Lover of the little things in life

Some people know this and some don't, but although I am a supervisor for direct care workers I also work as a direct care worker at a different agency. I keep my part-time job because it pays well and I have a few clients that still call me. I've been working with G, a 10 yr old girl with autism, now for 3 years and I take her out at least once a week. Last week we picked up an application to get her her own library card so she could check out books. I thought nothing of it but today when I came to get her her mom told me we HAD to go get the card today. I have never seen such excitement in a very long time! She practically ran into the library and then when they handed her the card she turned around and said "Ms. Jessica I have a LIBRARY CARD NOW!" I had to remind her we whisper in the library but she was so giddy about it it was contagious!

I think that's why I continue to do direct care. My grandma used to say that God brought my aunt (who had Downs Syndrome) into the world to teach us something. I really do think that all children with disabilities are meant not to be a burden from God but a blessing. It's hard to realize sometimes, but the little things that G gets excited about makes me think that is how I should feel at all the blessings I have in my life.

I took her to UNC campus (my alma mater of course) a few weeks ago and she was excited to read all the things on the monuments throughout the quad that I had barely realized existed during my 4 years there. She was thrilled when she found a blue flower because it's her favorite color. The little things made her so amazed.

When did I lose that amazement with God, life and creation? She also doesn't realize people could be bad. She had a $5 bill and had it in her hand the whole time we were walking and I told her it was not safe. She asked why not and I explained that a bad person could come and take it. She replied that that would be mean for them to do. She's not cautious at all when it comes to people and although I think it's an amazing thing to not see the bad in people it's dangerous in our world. When did I stop trusting others and learn to hide my money and such?

I think I love working with kids with autism and disabilities in general because they teach me so much. There is so much excitement when the smallest steps are made and levels of development are overcome. It makes me worry less about the big stuff like money and safety and relationships and look at more of the things that I don't normally "see." G could care less how much money she has, would feel safe anywhere she went and doesn't understand divorce and relationships, it's an innocence I sometimes wish I had. I am grateful for disabilities because with out them I would not have learned as much as I have in life.

Single Soul

The minister at my church is doing a series about dating and love and it's really got me thinking a lot. I've been single since October 31,2006. I'm 22 years old. It doesn't really bother me. I've been through it all- an abusive relationship that turned into a stalker, an event no one should ever have to go through, and a relationship where I thought I fell in love, but now I know I didn't. There are many other events I don't feel comfortable mentioning on something that can be read by the whole universe too! My point is I've been through a lot and I am comfortable being single. However, JD (the minister), asked the single people in the church to write a letter to God telling Him we are okay being single forever. *Gulp* But what about children and a husband and the class play? What about that life I have planned out for myself?

I filled in for one of my staff who has come down with the flu with supported employment at a local restaurant. One of the cooks, an older gentleman, told me "I'm not in any way trying to flirt with you but you are too pretty to not have a boyfriend." When I told him my life is busy and I just haven't found the right guy he asked me "But don't you get lonely?" I do and that's something I struggle with, but who says I'm not going to be lonely at times in a relationship? As JD said "A lonely pathetic single person turns into a lonely pathetic married person (okay not a DIRECT quote)."

So what's my conclusion right now? Today I am okay being single. I am still trying to figure out me. That does not mean that if the right person came along I would pass up the chance at all. It just means in the near future I am okay with my singleness. Long term I don't know yet. I think I would be. I see it this way- I've been through multiple events in the past year or so that I would consider the roughest times in my life and I didn't depend on anyone but God. I didn't need a boyfriend to hold me up, I was fine. So I will continue to be fine and depend on God and when the time comes maybe He will send me an awesome guy (with a hot body of course ;-) , but until then I am fine being single.