Grieving Friend

Tomorrow marks 3 months since Jason Ray died. Every time I see the 26th on the calendar part of me dies. When I started my office job last week I said to myself "Jason's spirit would be smothered by an office." I swore that's why God took him- because he could not truely be alive in the "real world." 3 months later it hurts no less. Will it ever? Probably not. I feel like I lost a family member although we haven't been close the past 4 years. He was always there and I knew it, I just wish now I had taken the opportunity more often. I don't know how to make this better, but do I really want it to be better?